The one where I became a ‘2nd generation Indian’…

Being the 2nd generation of anything feels somewhat equivalent to being the gooey spread between two loaves of bread…uncomfortable, with nowhere to go. At home, you’re generally raised by a family who are so firmly rooted in traditions that have been long forgotten in the country of origin and yet you are forced to live in a society that promotes more forward thinking values of multiculturalism, equality and freedom. It was always a confusing and tough psychological battle without winners.

From my experience, immigrant families tend to largely fall into one of the following three groups:

• The Pioneers – leaving their home country and arriving at the western shores LONG before it was cool. This group of 1st generation immigrants were so few that they all stuck together in solidarity, creating a whole new family away from home. They also, being the minority, did whatever they could to ensure their children were raised as westernised as they could bear. They wanted to ensure that their children reaped all the benefits of their hard work and to fit into society in a way that their parents never really could. This population of 2nd generation kids are probably the most westernised of the groups. Not being held to much of a comparison because well… there weren’t many of us to compare to at the time probably helped them integrate into society without this constant judging voices of your parents in the back of your head.
• The Collective – this is the group that joined the migration bandwagon once it was tested and proved by many before them. They came in flocks, bringing their family, close friends, neighbours, anyone who was interested, creating their own little community almost as though they were not away from home. This population of 2nd generation kids have found the sweet spot of being the best mix of Indian and Australian. Being surrounded by other Indian family, friends, community and even colleagues at work of their own age helps them stay in their own little safe bubble of similarities, relativity and familiarity whilst slowly and safely learning about the Australian way.
• The Inbetweeners – these relative few, came in between the Pioneers and the Collective. Sort of awkwardly slotting between the ‘veterans’ and the ‘cool kids’. This is a smaller group of people who generally make the decision to come to Australia after already having immigrated to another country previously. For these 1st generation-ers, there are enough fellow immigrants to have the courage to be in society but not enough to let go of your heritage. Unfortunately for the children of this crew, this generally meant being held to the rules and standards that had stopped in time to when they had left the motherland but being forced to conform to completely different and separate western societal norms.

I personally fall into the Inbetweeners bucket, as such my childhood left me with an identity crisis that I still sometimes battle with today. Growing up, it was hard to find people who could relate to you, that in the end, you ended up sharing less and less with your most of your friends and especially your family.

But being a 2nd generation does come with its positives. It makes you a weird mix of all the best things of both worlds and it certainly makes you be more understanding and accepting. You have this rare privilege of being able to pick and choose from two different groups, communities, religions, cultures, foods, friendships, values to inevitably become a wonderfully, colourful soul. A unique human being, just as it was intended!

Here are some standard Indianisms that only 2nd generation-ers will understand:

• Never ever is anything good that happens in your life anything to do with the hard work you do. It is always 100% to do with how much your mum has prayed for you ALL HER LIFE
• Never ever can you go anywhere without your family’s ‘what will everyone think?’ syndrome curbing your style in SOME way
• Never ever are you allowed to marry outside of your community, because your parents won’t be able to ‘connect’ with the significant others’ family and…. well…. ‘what will everyone think?!’
• Never ever are you to have boys that are more than ‘JUST FRIENDS’ and you will be told that falling in love is 100% overrated, “have you seen the divorce rates in this country?!… family compatibility is most important, you will learn to love each other…eventually”
• Never ever can you show your thighs, upper arms, any form cleavage, midriff or anything else remotely sexual in front of the aunties and uncles without being told swiftly to “cover yourself up, you look horrible… do you don’t want to attract bad attention? WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK?!”
• Never ever, especially if you are a woman, be strong, confident, independent and in any way different because you will be seen as a dangerous, livewire who will DEFINITELY ruin her life, possibly get pregnant out of wedlock and be generally unhappy in life
• Never ever are you allowed to sleep over ANYWHERE (even at school for musical camp, my parent’s logic being, you’re just sleeping, what’s the difference? Come home, sleep and go back in the morning)
• Never ever will you let your friends come to over to your house (variety of reasons, who knows how your parents will judge them, who knows what they’ll say, who knows at what point in a very secret conversation about the boy you have a crush on your mum will eavesdrop on)
• Never ever being able to do anything aside from studying to become a Doctor, Lawyer or Engineer. This is so ingrained into our mind that I don’t even think we know that we’re being coerced into it. And the disappointment is REAL if you cannot achieve. You immediately get pushed into the proverbial ‘non-doctor’ basket which makes being one even more lucrative for the upcoming generations. It’s a vicious cycle
• Never ever will you talk to boys outside of necessity. If you do ever talk to one, your mum would be listening in and afterwards say, make sure he’s just a friend. This little number can do one of two things, either motivate you even further to talk to boys (you rebel!) or just avoid the conflict entirely by friend-zoning everyone (definitely the path I went down)
• Never ever will you move out until you are married. If you even tried, it was generally followed by a lot of crying, blackmailing and sudden accusations of you wanting to ‘do drugs’ and ‘get drunk’ without the parents knowing… when all you really want to do is to have some freedom to… watch TV all night, or not wash the dishes immediately after eating… or have a phone call without being eavesdropped on…
• Never ever be able to just ‘hang out’ with your friends. This concept is generally entirely foreign to your parents. You would either have to fight the battle of the ages explaining why ‘hanging out’ with friends was an important part of growing up OR just live in peace and decline the offer politely giving them an excuse about homework and chores (neither being a lie of course)
• Never ever really be able to connect with your wider family, particularly those back on the motherland. Even if you try, it would be nearly impossible to maintain. You simply have not very much in common and people back home have an interesting perspective of people from ‘abroad’

Guarantee that most of us will have broken all of these requirements by the age of 25 😅 All in a day’s work of growing up.

Do you resonate with any of the ‘never evers’ above? Are you an in-betweener too? Let me know!