The one about patience…

Patience is a virtue…. most difficult to practice before, during and after any pregnancy. During this time, most of us fight back tearful exhaustion in between the little glorious moments of immense love and wonder that safeguard our sanity.

In saying so, I think back to my own two pregnancies and postpartums, both of which, equally wonderful yet entirely incomparable. My first, was relatively smooth sailing; work was 5 mins away, I was fit as a fiddle and baby was born via an uncomplicated vaginal delivery. After which there was 6 months of just our little family, in our small, easy to maintain apartment. No visitors, no sense of time…just watching baby grow every second of the day and sending videos of it to family and friends (#covidlife).

For the second, everything just felt a bit harder. Even the getting pregnant part felt like forever compared to the first time. In between manoeuvring my Masters, wisdom teeth extractions, full-time work, a boundlessly energetic toddler, and all the usual interruptions of life, the joy of making a baby became a little less fun and spontaneous and a little more scheduled military project. During this time, Patience was almost a bully, taunting us with life’s hurdles to assess our true priorities, forcing us to wait for the ‘right windows’ to ‘try’ and then making us wait even longer in hope, praying for a success.

Then, once we fell pregnant, juggling work, toddler, dog, a large home and a growing foetus became an exhausting reality. Don’t get me wrong, it was a wonderful time; watching my oldest interact with my big belly, watching as he tried to grasp the thought of a full-sized baby popping out of my stomach, and the insurmountable gratitude and love I felt for the little miracle growing inside of me. But the truth of it was, that I was far more tired than the first time round, mostly because there was just so much more going on in life. During this phase, Patience was a passive aggressor, testing my ability to be kind and compassionate at work, at home and then to family and friends on interrupted sleep, bloated digestion and a weak bladder. On many occasions in an attempt to bite my tongue…I quite literally, bit my tongue.

The final trimester was made more difficult due to the baby being breech, meaning his nice round head was jammed between my ribs, making me breathless and inevitably requiring a Caesarean. This meant a longer recovery, with manageable but very real pain. And as someone who thrives on her own independence, it was difficult being confined to the house for 6 weeks during recovery. The fluid retention due to my poor circulation, bloating from the surgery and all the general discomfort of cracked nipples, shrinking uterus and feeling like a whale was manageable only with the happy distraction of my baby’s wonderful smiles and cuddles. This time round, there was no Covid to isolate us from regular visits from family and friends which brought with it the unusual anxiety of making sure the house was perfect, my baby was perfect, and that I looked as perfect in my imperfection as possible. During this phase, Patience was a moody teenager, constantly making me feel teary, helpless and inadequate.

As a mother, it can be easy to forget that you’ve just pushed out a life, that your body needs time to heal in its own way and to be kind to yourself over the course of the year post delivery. I often needed to remind myself that recovery will take time; 6-8 weeks for your uterus to go back into place, 3 months before your caesarian scar heals, 6 months before your breasts become less bloated as your little one starts solids, 9 months for your body to work it’s way back to what it was before you created a life inside you and up to a year of care and compassion to feel like all the hormones have given you back control of your body.

Now finally, after 5 months down the road to recovery, with a sitting, crawling, happy baby…. I can graciously embrace Patience as my peaceful companion once again.

And to all the mothers out there, of all shapes and sizes, no matter what stage you are in. Here’s a gentle reminder to embrace every moment and that, as ever, you are doing an amazing job 💙🩵💛